In the scriptures it can sometimes seem like we need a miracle to believe in God. If he's not appearing to us or parting seas, how can we really know for sure that he is there?!? But, you see it isn't time for trumpets and tempests or angelic visitations now.
I used to envy those who were converts to the church, they had such cool experiences. I guess it made me wonder if I would be a member had I not been born into the church. Thankfully, around the same time I realized that I should be a "convert," we should all become converted to what we believe and voluntarily make the commitment to be a disciple of Christ. I didn't have one big experience that lead to that realization, and I don't have one big conversion experience. I have countless small stories and experiences that have led to the biggest growth in my testimony over the course of my life. Here are a few collections of related small things that have made the biggest difference. It won't take as long to tell these stories as it did to live them, so I won't apologize for a long post on these parts of my soul.
I have previously shared a portion of my experience singing the songs "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" and "I Feel My Savior's Love." I vividly remember that day in class when my conductor inspired us to ask questions based on those songs, like a spiritual checkup. I don't remember every other time that I asked myself or my friends those questions, but I know it was pretty much every time we sang those songs, and I know the answer was always the same. The first time we performed these songs in a concert, I remember being somewhat sick with a cough. I drank a lot of water, took all the right meds, sucked on coughdrops all throughout the day and prayed. God didn't take my cough away, and I didn't ask him to, I just wanted to be able to perform and share the message I felt so strongly. I got through the performance with suppressed coughing fits and taking full advantage of the consonants "C" and "K" and by mouthing the words when I couldn't trust myself to sing. When it came around to singing those hymns I felt like my whole soul was trying to get out of my body, since my voice couldn't. I so wanted to share what I felt that I'm sure anyone who met my gaze felt the power of the words even though I couldn't sing all of them. I was also hoping that the livestream cameras weren't good enough to show me crying. My experience at our next concert wasn't nearly as dramatic and intense, but they are still words and experiences that I can't forget because of the truths that I know.
Pretty early on in the year we knew that my choir would have the opportunity to sing for the General Women's Meeting of the church that April. Because of the size of the Choir Loft in the conference center, women from the other BYU Choirs and those who were previous members of our choir were invited to come back and participate. Being the girlishly excited professionals that we were it was understood that everyone would have to learn the music on their own, we had one practice together the day before and then the day of the performance. I was so excited to sing with more friends that I don't often get to see, and even more to sing for so many friends and spirit sisters around the world. We were lucky enough to get tickets so that some of my family and friends would be able to be there in the conference center (not just to see me, but also to hear from the amazing leaders of our church, obviously). It was a really cool experience to be there and feel like I personally was representing my church that I love so much and testifying through the songs that I love, about the truths I have come to know personally. But as great as it was, this final performance -the biggest one by far- was not a life-changing, ground-shaking experience. It was a small piece of the puzzle that made up a bigger portion of my life experiences. One I'll never forget, but hasn't so much changed who I am, as added to it.
Have you ever wanted more in life? Not to be greedy or selfish, but just feeling like you could do more? I did and I do and I will, but earlier this year I did something about it. I decided that I was going to go to the temple every week. I have always felt peaceful and fulfilled when I go to the temple, and increased frequency doesn't make that go away or become commonplace, it strengthens it. It gives me a chance to reflect on so many different things, and entitles me to blessings I don't always notice but are there. It gives me a chance to serve others; not just those whose work I am doing, but often other patrons who bring in their own family names. I love to see the same friendly faces every week, especially one sweet Korean brother who has brought in literally thousands of his own names that I've been able to help with many times. I love seeing dozens of high school kids there over Fall or Spring break. I loved seeing my dear missionary friend. It's really a small sacrifice of time and energy.
One week, early on in my personal commitment, the ward temple co-chairs planned a temple trip where we would be able to have a short message from a member of the temple presidency. There are different things that go on in temples, and because unlike many of the people in the ward at that time I have not served a mission, we would be doing separate things after the message. I knew that going in, and I usually go by myself anyway so it was going to be pretty normal, right? Being surrounded by everyone else kind of changed my perception for a bit though, and I barely paid attention to what the sweet brother was saying (something about butterflies maybe). As my mind wandered, it took a path down pity lane and I started to focus on how self-conscious I felt. The peak of it all came out in the form of a question: Is it even possible to feel like a second citizen in the temple? NO, you are just as worthy as everyone else in here. They have made additional covenants with me, and you are faithful to the covenants you've made. It was immediate. The relief and love as well as probably tears. On the outside it was a small thing, another drop of oil, one more week of fulfilling my goal. But inside it marked a new level of spirituality that I'd happened upon almost without realizing it.
Because of the experiences above and many more, I have become "converted" to the gospel. I have also become more dedicated, more understanding, more welcome, happy and open about my life, my experiences, and my testimony. There were no apparitions, no parting waters, and only earthly angels. But God knows what you need, and he'll give it to you, whether big or small.
*shout out to Dear Evan Hansen again for the title and to my roommates (and sister of course) for their patience and love
I used to envy those who were converts to the church, they had such cool experiences. I guess it made me wonder if I would be a member had I not been born into the church. Thankfully, around the same time I realized that I should be a "convert," we should all become converted to what we believe and voluntarily make the commitment to be a disciple of Christ. I didn't have one big experience that lead to that realization, and I don't have one big conversion experience. I have countless small stories and experiences that have led to the biggest growth in my testimony over the course of my life. Here are a few collections of related small things that have made the biggest difference. It won't take as long to tell these stories as it did to live them, so I won't apologize for a long post on these parts of my soul.
I have previously shared a portion of my experience singing the songs "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" and "I Feel My Savior's Love." I vividly remember that day in class when my conductor inspired us to ask questions based on those songs, like a spiritual checkup. I don't remember every other time that I asked myself or my friends those questions, but I know it was pretty much every time we sang those songs, and I know the answer was always the same. The first time we performed these songs in a concert, I remember being somewhat sick with a cough. I drank a lot of water, took all the right meds, sucked on coughdrops all throughout the day and prayed. God didn't take my cough away, and I didn't ask him to, I just wanted to be able to perform and share the message I felt so strongly. I got through the performance with suppressed coughing fits and taking full advantage of the consonants "C" and "K" and by mouthing the words when I couldn't trust myself to sing. When it came around to singing those hymns I felt like my whole soul was trying to get out of my body, since my voice couldn't. I so wanted to share what I felt that I'm sure anyone who met my gaze felt the power of the words even though I couldn't sing all of them. I was also hoping that the livestream cameras weren't good enough to show me crying. My experience at our next concert wasn't nearly as dramatic and intense, but they are still words and experiences that I can't forget because of the truths that I know.
Pretty early on in the year we knew that my choir would have the opportunity to sing for the General Women's Meeting of the church that April. Because of the size of the Choir Loft in the conference center, women from the other BYU Choirs and those who were previous members of our choir were invited to come back and participate. Being the girlishly excited professionals that we were it was understood that everyone would have to learn the music on their own, we had one practice together the day before and then the day of the performance. I was so excited to sing with more friends that I don't often get to see, and even more to sing for so many friends and spirit sisters around the world. We were lucky enough to get tickets so that some of my family and friends would be able to be there in the conference center (not just to see me, but also to hear from the amazing leaders of our church, obviously). It was a really cool experience to be there and feel like I personally was representing my church that I love so much and testifying through the songs that I love, about the truths I have come to know personally. But as great as it was, this final performance -the biggest one by far- was not a life-changing, ground-shaking experience. It was a small piece of the puzzle that made up a bigger portion of my life experiences. One I'll never forget, but hasn't so much changed who I am, as added to it.
Have you ever wanted more in life? Not to be greedy or selfish, but just feeling like you could do more? I did and I do and I will, but earlier this year I did something about it. I decided that I was going to go to the temple every week. I have always felt peaceful and fulfilled when I go to the temple, and increased frequency doesn't make that go away or become commonplace, it strengthens it. It gives me a chance to reflect on so many different things, and entitles me to blessings I don't always notice but are there. It gives me a chance to serve others; not just those whose work I am doing, but often other patrons who bring in their own family names. I love to see the same friendly faces every week, especially one sweet Korean brother who has brought in literally thousands of his own names that I've been able to help with many times. I love seeing dozens of high school kids there over Fall or Spring break. I loved seeing my dear missionary friend. It's really a small sacrifice of time and energy.
One week, early on in my personal commitment, the ward temple co-chairs planned a temple trip where we would be able to have a short message from a member of the temple presidency. There are different things that go on in temples, and because unlike many of the people in the ward at that time I have not served a mission, we would be doing separate things after the message. I knew that going in, and I usually go by myself anyway so it was going to be pretty normal, right? Being surrounded by everyone else kind of changed my perception for a bit though, and I barely paid attention to what the sweet brother was saying (something about butterflies maybe). As my mind wandered, it took a path down pity lane and I started to focus on how self-conscious I felt. The peak of it all came out in the form of a question: Is it even possible to feel like a second citizen in the temple? NO, you are just as worthy as everyone else in here. They have made additional covenants with me, and you are faithful to the covenants you've made. It was immediate. The relief and love as well as probably tears. On the outside it was a small thing, another drop of oil, one more week of fulfilling my goal. But inside it marked a new level of spirituality that I'd happened upon almost without realizing it.
Because of the experiences above and many more, I have become "converted" to the gospel. I have also become more dedicated, more understanding, more welcome, happy and open about my life, my experiences, and my testimony. There were no apparitions, no parting waters, and only earthly angels. But God knows what you need, and he'll give it to you, whether big or small.
*shout out to Dear Evan Hansen again for the title and to my roommates (and sister of course) for their patience and love
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