Called to Stay

"So, where did you serve?” and its iterations have become my least favorite questions. What do you say? Oh, I didn’t? That’s not strictly true, you can serve anywhere and everywhere. One reason I dislike those questions so much is because they are based on someone’s assumption of me and my life as a member of the church, and because I didn’t have a decent answer. Equally painful were questions from people I knew asking when I would go, or why I hadn’t gone yet. My mother says she has also fielded questions about whether I’m going to serve a mission, especially after my older sister returned home, feeling like she has to defend that I am active, temple-attending, and worthy, although I haven't served a mission. I've make a habit of turning uncomfortable questions and explanations into a sort of joke so that others don’t feel uncomfortable, but that solution only works one way.
     It was about two years ago that this started grating on me, in part because it's the age and stage of life, and also because I go to BYU. I saw once that the percent of female returned missionaries at BYU is like 30%, but it felt like much more because not only were most of the people I interacted with RMs, but those who weren't were turning in their mission papers. I could hide behind the age excuse for a while, but for myself I had to rely on the little feelings and impressions I've had. A yearish ago I wrote a version of this paper for a religion class that was supposed to focus on questions/issues that young adults face and this was of course top of the list for me. It wasn't a bad paper, and if made me look up talks and counsel from the prophets and apostle, and investigate the scriptures for similar-ish situations or counsel that could apply to my situation. Still, to finish my paper I felt like I had to tack on a fake conclusion (I talked about member missionary work, which is a real thing, but didn't actually give me closure). A while ago, probably one of the times my mom mentioned that she still wanted to read that paper, I realized that I had naturally come to a conclusion because of the habits and practices that I continue to make for myself and have previously discussed. It was really nice to let go of some of that angst, and edit it out of my paper this year, and just talk about what I know and think others should too.
     I can’t rightly go without mentioning the quintessential missionary hymn, “Called to Serve.” It’s inspiring, spiritual, translated into several languages, and never specifically mentions going on a mission (look it up, I dare you). We are called to serve Him, witness of Him, tell His story, and proclaim His love. We have all been called, because we are children of God and members of His church, to serve in whatever capacity we are able. In order to do this we must find ways for us individually to serve, which is not a mission-specific idea.
     Another "missionary" hymn is “I’ll Go Where You Want Me to Go.” The chorus nicely sums up three ways to follow God: “I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,/Over mountain or plain or sea;/I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;/I'll be what you want me to be.” We must strive to go and do God’s will, to say what the Spirit prompts us, and to be the person God knows we can become. I was so excited when Elder Bednar said in the April conference, “perhaps one of the lessons the Savior is teaching us…is that an assignment to labor in a specific place is essential and important but secondary to a call to the work.” (Notice that came from the priesthood session. If you're looking for answers people, you might have to look.)
     Emma Smith was the original compiler of hymns that led to what we have today, above included. In Doctrine and Covenants 25 she is extended that call, and it comes because she was feeling kind of left out, and troubled about what God intended for her, so He told her. It probably didn't make things better right away, but my impression is that it gave her reassurance about God's awareness of her, and a job to do.
     You don’t have to go very far to find specific counsel and guidance about this issue. In preparation for their Face2Face event on November 19th, 2017, Elder Ballard and Elder Oaks released a short video addressing a question they received from a young woman about serving a mission. (btw, my heart totally goes out to this girl, her question was beautifully phrased and addressed the important parts of the issue) They were full of love and support for young women in this situation, acknowledging and validating the fact that there are many who need guidance. Here, and in Elder Ballard’s devotional address the previous week at BYU, he referenced President Monson’s original address about the change in mission age. Hopefully it doesn't seem like the apostles are passing the buck, or avoiding the issue (even though they often throw it back to Pres. Monson's message. He's the prophet, it's cool. And to quote an inspired LDS Hymn "What more can he say than to you he hath said?").
     In this address, President Monson declared “I am not suggesting that all young men [and women] will—or should—serve at this earlier age...We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable to respond to the call to serve. Many young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are the young men.” (again for those in the back! :||) To me, this is a pretty comprehensive and inspired message that is often skipped over (especially when it was given and the immediate eruption of excited noise distracted probably everyone), but deserves some attention. Not only does this address women, but also briefly those with mental or physical limitations. Even as these issues develop in "the mission" we are developing a sense of understanding about those who, for very valid reasons, leave early (eRMs as I'm told they are called). Another good piece of advice is to just not judge other people when you don't know the whole situation (on the other side of that, don't take offence when it isn't intended).
     A year ago, I had to insert a kind of fake conclusion to my argument about why I choose to stay (and yes, it's a continuing choice. If it ever changes there is no age limit for single women so I'm good). Since then I’ve gained two things, 1) closure, and 2) the knowledge that this is not an argument. I’ve gone through and erased any bitter or angsty remnants. I don’t need to be angry, try to force a resolution, or tack on a moral that doesn’t make everything ok. The first time around I learned that sitting around and waiting for help doesn’t accomplish much. I had to go out and do things (and I did!). Assessing the core of my discomfort led to the realization that what I needed was a stronger connection to God, and so I was able to pursue the habits and activities that would help me develop that connection. I had to let go of the bitterness I tried to deny was forming because of the expectations of others, because I can only change myself (and only I can change myself).

(so the unabridged version of this has come out to around 10 pages, but if you want it, it's yours; title inspired by the "misisonary hymn" Called to Serve; 
You are amazing, you have much to contribute, don' t listen to haters.)